uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
