Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
