I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
