Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
