So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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