Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hippo gnu deer
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
