Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
