no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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