I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
