That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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