the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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