She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
