if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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