Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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