You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
