I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
