It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
