K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
