WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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