I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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