He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
