if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
only you would photoshop your dick
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
