I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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