some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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