just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
