woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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