I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
