i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
