Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
