2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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