i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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