Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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