Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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