i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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