I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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