There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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