Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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