remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
