He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
