I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
