He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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