To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
