oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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