She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
