I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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