Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
