you would pick up someone in the library
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
