is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
