There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
