her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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