i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
