you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
