You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
