First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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